These Words from A Dad That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to open up amongst men, who still absorb negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."